To be calm in the face of panicked states.

The world is trying to get a rise out of you, dear one.
See her thrash and stomp.

What is it to be in the world but not of it?

What is it to be of the world but not in it?

It’s how I feel sometimes. Circling around, seeing where my feet should be but finding they are not. They are hovering above land, craving arrival, awaiting coordinates.

Like those times when the conversation is happening all around me.
I smile at the right time, laugh at the right time, but I don’t know which part is funny, which part is sarcasm. I forget how to exist without what Frederich Buechner calls, ‘the paralyzing intervention of self-awareness.’

Sometimes being in the world is not the comfortable place to be. We run somewhere else forgetting we are already home.

You are seeking G-d, dear sister, and he is everywhere. Everything proclaims him to you, everything reveals him to you, everything brings him to you. He is by your side, over you, around and in you. Here is his dwelling and yet you still seek him. Ah! You are searching for G-d, the idea of G-d in his essential being. You seek perfection and it lies in everything that happens to you – your suffering, your actions, your impulses are the mysteries under which G-d reveals himself to you. But he will never disclose himself in the shape of that exalted image to which you so vainly cling.” 

-Jean Pierre de Caussade, The Sacrament of The Present Moment.

The image to which you so vainly cling. She will not disclose herself there. Try, if you like, but she runs fast from the boxes we build.

Perhaps we are to be rid of the images eventually. To transcend them. Perhaps they only take us so far. Then we must die to them too. I cling to many ideas and images of myself, I cling to expectations of the world around me, I cling to things I know and can trust to turn up in my life reliably, even if they hurt me and don’t serve me. At least they’re familiar and our brains like that, right?

Insomnia has been stalking me. She’s a trip to be around.
Makes everything feel like one bad, long trip.

I am watching past programming seeking to update.

I sense an invitation to watch the moment and be not absorbed by the turbulence.

To be calm in the face of panicked states.

The inner world can be rich with inspiration, but it can also run amok and send us into a cycle of fear and…..

Hi Paralysis!!!!

The important thing is not to think much, but to love much; do, then, whatever most arouses you to love.

— Saint Teresa of Ávila

Watercolour by me

Images were never meant to sustain us forever. I sense this when I close my eyes. When I’m really alone in my body, I can momentarily gain access to a higher intelligence. We get sight for a short time, but once we’ve let go of images too, perhaps then, we’re ready to face the Abyss. We come to realize the fullness in the emptiness. It is not a dark void anymore, now it is Light.

Oh, doubters, let's go down... let's go down, won't you come on down?
Oh, doubters, let's go down... down to the river to pray.
"Oh, but I'm so small I can barely be seen... how can this great love be inside of me?"
Look at your eyes.... they're small in size, but they see enormous things.

-mewithoutYou

For some reason, mewithoutYou has come up a lot in conversations with new acquaintances and older friends recently. They were an important band to me in my late teens. Probably largely because the singer and lyricist Aaron Weiss spoke a lot about the Mystics in his lyrics. Back then I was already searching for more expansive language to accompany the early experiences I had with G-d. In their music, there was a searching for transcendence and aggression and catharsis all at once. It ignited the seeker and the fire in me.

Look at your eyes, they’re small in size but they see enormous things.

How do we help our eyes to see enormous things?

I think it’s a bit like those optical illusions, where you have to squint in a way to unsee some things before what’s actually there appears. Then it arrives out of the fragmented parts — some holy, hazy face or symbol and you can’t understand why you couldn’t see it the first time!!

We let go of the old images in order to receive the new image that is being revealed.

In another song Aaron Weiss says :

'“Oh, you pious and profane
Put away your praise and blame
"A glass can only spill what it contains!"
To the perpetually plain
And the incurably inane
"A glass can only spill what it contains!"

Upon some research (yes, into a fan Reddit thread) I found a user had informed the comments section that “a glass can only spill what it contains” is a paraphrase of an Arabic proverb, which alludes to the idea that we can only say things based on who we think we are, or what we’ve filled our glasses with.

He then compares the phrase to a Zen story :

Scholar Tokusan -- who was full of knowledge and opinions about the dharma -- came to Ryutan and asked about Zen. At one point Ryutan re-filled his guest's teacup but did not stop pouring when the cup was full. Tea spilled out and ran over the table. "Stop! The cup is full!" said Tokusan.

"Exactly," said Master Ryutan. "You are like this cup; you are full of ideas. You come and ask for teaching, but your cup is full; I can't put anything in. Before I can teach you, you'll have to empty your cup."

Squint your eyes to see. Empty the cup. Let Love pour in. Taste and See.
Then Serve with what has been given.

Writing helps me notice patterns in the small itches of my day. Music provides rhythms for those patterns. Melodies becomes like air for the Divine to soar on. Or as Aaron Weiss would put it… the music our collisions make.

If I am looking for the Divine, I must be prepared to look everywhere, actually everywhere… and die to the images and places I first thought I’d find it.

Let the cup be emptied. Do not be afraid.

Your eyes see enormous things.
What more might your heart?

Till next time,