What I Say To Sticky Thoughts
The mind is additive. While you cannot necessarily subtract a thought, you can give it a slightly friendlier roommate.
You cannot make a thought go away.
You can, however, do the things you value not despite the thought but alongside the thought.
If you are trying to control the intrusive thoughts constantly, all your energy is going towards that, and you’re not focusing on what you truly care about.
You convince yourself that you must not care anymore about the things you once loved (like music and art) because they don’t evoke the same feelings they used to. Instead, they invoke anxiety and stress. But what I have come to learn, is that they tend to involve feelings of anxiety and stress because you care about them. You care so much!
Do what you value while the difficult self-defeating thoughts are there.
The brain is just trying to protect you.
The things you value require you to risk a lot.
If you don’t risk anything you don’t get to experience anything beyond the confines on this container you were given.
If we’re spending all our time trying to annihilate our self-defeating thoughts, we’re missing out on the potential for connection. Right here, in the present moment.
Turn up, show up and give the thoughts permission to be there. Further, give them a seat at the table. They probably knew best once. But you outgrew them, and they haven’t moved out of home yet. That’s okay, you have plenty of room in the house and being hospitable is a great kindness in a world that so often feels threatening.
‘Hello thought that insists I’m an imposter, you are welcome here’
‘Hello shame, you are welcome here’
There’s a catch to this practice though. You must treat all thoughts the same. Do not welcome one in with a reluctant eye-roll and then fling out the red carpet, concierge and a bouquet of tulips for the one that so welcomingly strokes your ego! There must be no discrimination between a pleasing thought and a nasty one.
The same greeting remains.
‘Hello blissful spiritual insight, you are welcome here’
‘Hello affirmation from the internet in the form of abstract metrics, you are welcome here’
‘Hello pride in my work and euphoric feeling of non-contingent self worth, you are welcome here’
Doing what you value and having circular, intrusive, negative thoughts are not mutually exclusive.
They’re just roommates.
They don’t have to get along perfectly but at some point you’ll have to learn each others names.
The Guesthouse
by Rumi
This being human is a guest house.
Every morning a new arrival.
A joy, a depression, a meanness,
some momentary awareness comes
as an unexpected visitor.
Welcome and entertain them all!
Even if they’re a crowd of sorrows,
who violently sweep your house
empty of its furniture,
still, treat each guest honorably.
He may be clearing you out
for some new delight.
The dark thought, the shame, the malice,
meet them at the door laughing,
and invite them in.
Be grateful for whoever comes,
because each has been sent
as a guide from beyond.
Till next time.
Thank you for all your inspiring posts. Your words and music have helped me so much as I work on my songwriting, while trying to view the process in different perspectives and open my mind and body up to different methods of creative expression. You were the reason I joined substack and I really owe you for leading me to a place where I can work on my writing and share my process with others.
your speaking with confidence and clarity about our difficult inner world made me slow down and reread, the only way for me to get visiting ideas to stay for a while. Gradually I realized that the one really important thing for me, though not poetry or music, is also impeded by the same thoughts you describe. What you said about addressing them gave me another perspective. I enjoyed the upbeat painting too. This is a nice place to visit.