Thank you Kimbra. The exploration of all the things of which you write is so profound, exquisite, and sometimes excruciating. I wish I could write like you and I imagine that is partly why I love to read your posts so much. I take something in from them. The mouse. The black dog at your heels. The beauty. I need to listen to the music you mention still... I was writing about emotions recently as I met a musician here at a retreat center in Costa Rica who taught me something new. It was unexpected...as I have studied and experimented so much with emotions and how to be with them. Then this 31 year old classical flute player is teaching me about the breath, and then about energy and emotion in the body. It was such grace. My post isn't out yet and this is a part about that:
"Soak the tension in, digest it
What about when you feel tightness somewhere in your body?
I have spent years exploring this. I have learned to feel it more. To hold it with kindness. To ask it what it needs and to name the emotion of it. I have myofascial released it. Screamed it. Loved it. Written about it. Cut cords with it. Hummed it. You know…worked with it and experimented with it.
So it takes me by surprise when Héctor teaches me something totally new.
He is standing in my kitchen and he asks about tightness in my neck as it relates to a belly breath. What do I think I should do when there is tightness and I am trying to relax into a belly breath? He mentions grief (I have cried in front of him by now). I think of unspoken words that I sometimes hold back. Héctor tells me that we all get those things. He points to his own neck, mentions he feels some tension there and demonstrates. He says, “What if you just swallow it?” And he does.
It reminds me of digestion. My soft belly and organs are there to digest things. Why not emotions that are stuck or keep showing up as tension in my body?
This is much different than “swallowing” feelings to repress or bypass them. It is an invitation to digest whatever “it” is that is stuck somewhere as tension or numbness in the body. To work with it.
I have found it an interesting exploration to play with taking my body sensations into my system more, energetically.
I listen to Héctor and I try “swallowing” some tension in my neck. I imagine it going into my belly to digest, as I breathe a belly breath.
And it seems to work. My neck softens. My belly moves.
I have learned something new and I continue to experiment.
Sometimes, I simply feel myself soaking whatever I feel as tension more deeply into my body. That in itself is a form of digesting it. But more than that, it is a way to truly hold and integrate it. The energy is loved, welcomed, and allowed to land a little bit.
I integrate it."
A few times now I have played with this...letting something soak into my body like a sponge or swallowing the grief into my body. I am still learning to pet that black dog. It doesn't always feel friendly. Sometimes, it feels like too much and I wonder if it should just go away since it probably belongs to someone else or "the world". That is what I have told myself at times.... Much love and thank you for what you share here. I truly do look forward to reading your posts and find they add ease and a lovely frequency of something around the artful way to exist in such a changing world...as song.
I must admit, I am so far behind in your posts but reading this helped me connect. Depression lurks everywhere but I hope you find joy as well. Our breath is sacred and our soul divine. Where we were severed was a freedom, rather than a separation. We don’t notice it until our freedom is taken away.
In therapy, I was asked the question “when was the last time you felt you were in control of your life?”. At that time, I couldn’t answer. I had maybe one or two instances in my entire life. This broke the hold it had on me, that I had the freedom to do what I wanted, to chase my dreams or my tail, to write a legacy rather than birth it. So many things I had to grieve the loss of - time, freedom, people, the idea of a perfect life. I could no longer live in someone else’s shadow or control.
This helped me to find joy in the little things. I hope this is truth for you too.
Thank you Kimbra. The exploration of all the things of which you write is so profound, exquisite, and sometimes excruciating. I wish I could write like you and I imagine that is partly why I love to read your posts so much. I take something in from them. The mouse. The black dog at your heels. The beauty. I need to listen to the music you mention still... I was writing about emotions recently as I met a musician here at a retreat center in Costa Rica who taught me something new. It was unexpected...as I have studied and experimented so much with emotions and how to be with them. Then this 31 year old classical flute player is teaching me about the breath, and then about energy and emotion in the body. It was such grace. My post isn't out yet and this is a part about that:
"Soak the tension in, digest it
What about when you feel tightness somewhere in your body?
I have spent years exploring this. I have learned to feel it more. To hold it with kindness. To ask it what it needs and to name the emotion of it. I have myofascial released it. Screamed it. Loved it. Written about it. Cut cords with it. Hummed it. You know…worked with it and experimented with it.
So it takes me by surprise when Héctor teaches me something totally new.
He is standing in my kitchen and he asks about tightness in my neck as it relates to a belly breath. What do I think I should do when there is tightness and I am trying to relax into a belly breath? He mentions grief (I have cried in front of him by now). I think of unspoken words that I sometimes hold back. Héctor tells me that we all get those things. He points to his own neck, mentions he feels some tension there and demonstrates. He says, “What if you just swallow it?” And he does.
It reminds me of digestion. My soft belly and organs are there to digest things. Why not emotions that are stuck or keep showing up as tension in my body?
This is much different than “swallowing” feelings to repress or bypass them. It is an invitation to digest whatever “it” is that is stuck somewhere as tension or numbness in the body. To work with it.
I have found it an interesting exploration to play with taking my body sensations into my system more, energetically.
I listen to Héctor and I try “swallowing” some tension in my neck. I imagine it going into my belly to digest, as I breathe a belly breath.
And it seems to work. My neck softens. My belly moves.
I have learned something new and I continue to experiment.
Sometimes, I simply feel myself soaking whatever I feel as tension more deeply into my body. That in itself is a form of digesting it. But more than that, it is a way to truly hold and integrate it. The energy is loved, welcomed, and allowed to land a little bit.
I integrate it."
A few times now I have played with this...letting something soak into my body like a sponge or swallowing the grief into my body. I am still learning to pet that black dog. It doesn't always feel friendly. Sometimes, it feels like too much and I wonder if it should just go away since it probably belongs to someone else or "the world". That is what I have told myself at times.... Much love and thank you for what you share here. I truly do look forward to reading your posts and find they add ease and a lovely frequency of something around the artful way to exist in such a changing world...as song.
I must admit, I am so far behind in your posts but reading this helped me connect. Depression lurks everywhere but I hope you find joy as well. Our breath is sacred and our soul divine. Where we were severed was a freedom, rather than a separation. We don’t notice it until our freedom is taken away.
In therapy, I was asked the question “when was the last time you felt you were in control of your life?”. At that time, I couldn’t answer. I had maybe one or two instances in my entire life. This broke the hold it had on me, that I had the freedom to do what I wanted, to chase my dreams or my tail, to write a legacy rather than birth it. So many things I had to grieve the loss of - time, freedom, people, the idea of a perfect life. I could no longer live in someone else’s shadow or control.
This helped me to find joy in the little things. I hope this is truth for you too.
all Animals got there prioritys .....ok, some more then others .....! 😋
"keep going. Recognize something is changing and a presence has entered us that requires loving attention"
Powerful. Wish you all the clear seeing and knowledge that it is all temporary.
Thank you sharing your inner world with the world.
Hold tight sweetheart
Love your sparks.
They create a spark in me to learn, read, grow!