You are being enlarged in the waiting.
Qualms with Paul but sometimes he's alright.
It’s not uncommon for me to have up to 60 tabs open in one Safari browser. I just gave someone a heart attack and yes, it’s nuts. I’m starting to close them one by one (to be honest a lot of them are Substack articles I haven’t read yet! Does anyone else get kind of get overwhelmed by how many posts you want to read and then leave waiting till they’re piled up like years of unread mail?)
In my erratic digital spring clean, I came across an essay called “The Feeling of Birth Pangs” from a website called Canaans Rest. In this essay, the author Alan Hendrickson quotes Paul from his letter to the Romans. I have plenty of qualms with Paul but every now and then I read something that I would feel comfortable calling “inspired” and this would fit in that category.
“All around us we observe a pregnant creation. The difficult times of pain throughout the world are simply birth pangs. But it's not only around us; it's within us. The Spirit of God is arousing us within. We're also feeling the birth pangs….
…That is why waiting does not diminish us, any more than waiting diminishes a pregnant mother. We are enlarged in the waiting. We, of course, don't see what is enlarging us. But the longer we wait, the larger we become, and the more joyful our expectancy.”
-Romans 8:22 (The Message)
The author goes on to mention Richard Rohr who calls this space of waiting and transition: liminal space.
Native American Indians called it “crazy time” which I find extremely apt for the current moment.
My fascination with liminal space is closely related to my obsession with time.
In the modern world, we appear to hunted down by time like some bloodthirsty wolf. We are plagued by deadlines, presentations, timelines, emails.. it doesn’t stop. Ever.
Our perception of time is still so primitive. We are like children when we attempt to explain what it means and how we perceive it. Because of course, it is just that: a perception of time. A series of numbers we follow in a linear way that add up to a semblance of what we call “a day.” And we use this to orient our lives until the very last moment.
But then, there are those moments when time just seems to…
stop.
It becomes clear to us that the world is not as we think it is. That time is far more malleable and open to interpretation than we thought. Psychedelic experiences will make this very clear but so will art. Art can stop time in its tracks and transport us momentarily until we wake up to find that hours may have passed.
I am greedy to understand time. I am humbled by how little I do. I am drawn closer to others whenever we converse about the topic of time because no one has a better answer than the other. Even the really smart people. There are parts of life that the human brain just can’t quite comprehend or articulate adequately and I find that to be utterly beautiful.
In saying all this, we can extend our capacity to understand while acknowledging our limits. I remember the moment I was introduced to the concept of time being more like a stack than a chronological timeline. When I wrote The Golden Echo I came across the Greek concepts of time of which there are two: Kronos and Kairos.
Kronos: The Quantitative Time of Life
“Kronos is the time of clocks and calendars; it can be quantified and measured. Kronos is linear, moving inexorably out of the determinate past toward the determined future, and has no freedom.”
-Lonnie Kliever
Kairos: The Qualitative Time of Life
“Kairos is numinous time. Kairos is a time of festivals and fantasies; it cannot be controlled or possessed. Kairos is circular, dancing back and forth, here and there, without beginning or ending, and knows no boundaries.”
-Lonnie Kliever
What does this bring to mind for you?
More and more I think boredom is one of our best teachers when it comes to time. It' seems like a kind of ‘deep time’ –– open to potential. Our culture has a very hard time with boredom (myself included) and we have created ways to avoid it at all costs. Maybe the womb is the only place left to be bored. Imagine just floating in a sack of liquid, no stimulation except for the chaos of digestive sounds that you literally have no way of escaping till that dreaded, shrieking day of rupture.
In other worlds….
I released a short film for “Idols & Vices, Vol.1” It’s all the animations put together as one long sequence — like a drunken memory or journey into the dark void. The full animation experience is here for you to watch on YouTube.
I designed the album to be listened to from start to finish (as I always do) and the animations were created in the same way. Episodic in nature, opening like portals into moving orbits of strange digital terrains. I absolutely encourage you to absorb the music and visuals in this way. Lay back, press play and melt into our fantastical world.
If you love the animations and want to know more about the process behind them, you’ll want to check out this interview I did with the creator Greg Sharp.
A seasonal thought…
If you’re sitting with feelings and thoughts this year that are hard to move through, it might be a good time to return to my post called: “What I Say To Sticky Thoughts”
It speaks to my own journey with facing the houseguests in my head. Fall is such a great time to sweep up interiorly. That doesn’t mean sweep out the demons so they can’t be seen, it means gather them in a designated space in the yard, let them be, and watch as they fly off with the wind in their own time. Winter comes for us all and as hard as it can be at times, it also lets the old die so we can welcome in the new. Fall is like taking inventory of what we are ready to let fall away…
I know I know, that was a bit cheesy… but let me have it because it’s true.
A little thank you to…
…my community at The Koru. We had such a wonderful online Zoom event recently and I was so happy to hear about all of the projects you are each embarking on and how my new album has touched you thematically and sonically. I must say, I have extremely smart and sophisticated fans - you all impress me with your courage for your own creative endeavours and also your commitment to supporting me and my vision as an artist.
Our next online event will be in 2025 (we do three a year) so maybe it’s something you’d like to consider as you get closer to the end of this year. It’s a good time to think about the communities you want to invest in, the people you want to align with and the artists and creators you want to support. I am so grateful that people show me this continued support in a direct way with no middle man. For an independent artist this actually goes a long way, so I invite you to think about becoming a Founding member and joining The Koru. Click here to manage your subscription if it feels like this could add value and inspiration to your 2025. I still can’t believe that’s what we’re calling it.
Till next time,
-
Also, finally sat and listened and watched the Idles album. Man! It’s like a fever dream! Really challenging in the abstract songs. The ballads are gorgeous! I love that every album of yours sounds so wholly different from the previous. Now I wait for that folk/recipe colab with Toth! 😁
Time...funny thing...that back a little over a month ago was bingeing ELO albums as there were a few I had missed, (somehow!). I discovered a 44 year old album I had not heard before, (Time by ELO of course), and have had it on replay mode for over a month, speaks to how music can be timeless, even though the Production of the album is steeped in the tech of 1981. That said, the album was originally meant as a double album concept, (but truncated for the eventual release),about someone thrown out of their time of 1981 to 114 years into the future and wants to go back because its a cold existence with no heart. Perhaps written as a cautionary tale by Jeff Lynne using the musical tools of the future as it was in 1981. In recreating a mix using a surviving track list note, I revel in how fresh it sounds. Pop prog melodies to die for. Time standing still. Just over the weekend, I walked into a local record shop that is playing this album randomly. That isn't just serendipity. It's Time folding in on itself like a beautiful origami sculpture made of wind trying to whisper in my ear. The construct of time by us as "sentient" beings is perhaps both miraculous and tragic all at once. We are a slave to our clocks, our calendars and our perceived mortality as dictated by the ticking of the clock, (as Pink Floyd lyricist), RogerWaters, said in Floyds song Time,
"And you run and you run to catch up with the sun but it's sinking
Racing around to come up behind you again
The sun is the same in a relative way, but you're older
Shorter of breath and one day closer to death"
If we could really master the art of the now, perhaps immortality is right there in our hands.
The urge and push by outside factors to fill every waking minute with information, Productivity, chores, emails, correspondence, information gathering, news, noise, even music.....etc. It's all too much sometimes. Real silence is something I don't think the human animal really remembers...and might be afraid to.